Thu 4 Mar 2004
In the entire on-line archive of the Record, the word “effulgent” appears only once — in Aidan’s thoughtful piece on the demise of the health center.
One benefit of the Health Center’s dramatic death will be that the much maligned facility will be remembered fondly. Castigated as only being capable of diagnosing mononucleosis, the Health Center has, in the warm glow of nostalgia, become lionized as our bulwark against alcohol poisoning, the ne plus ultra for irresponsible first-years.
I think this effulgent praise is misplaced, based on a posthumous re-evaluation of the Center’s merits.
I think that Finley makes too much about the risks of alcohol poisoning. While it is easy to drink to excess, it is extremely hard to kill yourself this way, at least in the absence of a fraternity-type ritual. I only know of one case in Massachusetts in the last decade, and that was clearly fraternity related.
In any event, whether you agree or disagree with him, Finley’s prose is a marvelous, even effulgent.
2 Responses to “Effulgent Praise Indeed”
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I would like to point out that they can diagnose far more than just mono. They can diagnose lice as well.
During my time at Williams there was a lice outbreak. We were told to go to the Health Center to be preened like monkeys and if we were found to have lice, then they would tell us and give us the apropos tools of the trade to remedy the problem (thin comb for the nits, shampoo to kill the lice, and a suggestion to the males that they shave their heads).
This brought out an interesting feature of human nature - if one is given to think that they might have lice - your head will itch. Another interesting note is that if the nice ladies at the Health Center have to diagnose 2000 students - frequently repeatedly - for lice, they are going to make lots of mistakes.
Better to err on the side of caution and have people cleaning themselves of imagined lice than to have people told they are clean and spreading it.
The problem was exacerbated by those that are against the word “chemicals” and presumably perhaps against killing anything, including lice. They refused to treat themselves other than with “home remedies” which were not working (I think I recall it being vinegar and peanut butter).
This happened near a break - Christmas break I believe. We were told to wrap all of our clothes and bedding in trash bags so as to suffocate/starve the lice and then while we were gone they bug bombed all of the dorms (take that you granola heads!).
Several things I found interesting from the ordeal (I was a JA during the time):
1) I was diagnosed with having lice. I got them from a bus seat that was used by a female member of the XC team.
2) When you tell people you have lice, they will react far more strongly than if you tell them that you have herpes or AIDS. It seems about on level if you were to tell them that you have Ebola.
3) The nice ladies at the Health Center shaved their heads around the neck and ears - I found it amusing to see (they would wear longer hair up and shave underneath - reminded me of the punk skaters back in my youth).
4) Williams dining halls and parties were full of piles of coats in the winter. It was theorized that was how all of this spread so rapidly - presumably originally from students working at the elementary school.
On the side of alcohol poisoning - the body has a pretty good reflex to deal with that. It will throw up violently when it sees high alcohol levels that are too high. You will continue to throw up long after everything in your stomach has been emptied (I assume this is because the brain sees alcohol levels being high still).
I of course know this from much experience.
Where it becomes a real problem (in the case of many a rock star), is when you have either ingested so much alcohol so quickly that you have overwhelmed the reflexive part of your brain (you basically “forget” to breath and the throwing up doesn’t happen) - or if you partake in drugs that deter the reflex to throw up (marijuana immediately coming to mind).
This is the main reason you don’t want to drink heavily if you have been smoking pot.
A note to Aiden:
I feel as though I should start by commending your efforts to make the “much maligned” Health Center’s somewhat intermediary purposes known to all. And your challenge to the Administration to duplicate such services in some other forum is admirable. In the end, however, I am quite certain that you can’t even begin to conceptualize how much you actually trivialize the institution itself.
I’d like to contribute a story that reaches far beyond the tragic shaving incident that you so coyly base your argument on. In the early spring of 2002 the Health Center detected something that no doctor or Emergency Room ever did. A lump on my neck caught the attention of one of the Health Center’s hard working nurses, and I was immediately sent to an oncologist for further tests. No mono diagnosis here. I was met at the Health Center with an astute eye, a sympathetic shoulder to cry on and a wealth of information on what to do next. The next day I was diagnosed by a Dana Farber oncologist with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, exactly what the nurse at the HC believed it to be.
I was given more than a vague glimpse into the recesses of a drunken night, or the need for a more appropriate bandage than my roommate could maneuver. And I know for a fact that I am not the sole beneficiary of such a caring eye. You incorrectly assume that those in Williamstown “are not in battle situations.” Some of us are; some of us win, and some of us don’t. But I certainly know that my victory would be none were it not for the institution that is known as simply “the modest solution.” The Williams campus is missing much with the loss of the Health Center’s later hours, however their day jobs go far beyond what you, or the guy with gouged lip can truly understand.