Esa Seegulam has some thoughts on ugliness. Alas, they are not nearly as amusing as his previous thoughts on hair.

Baxter Penitentiary Dining Hall, sometime in 2003, I am calmly eating my food. I look across the room to the table where all the track kids are eating. There is a half-Cuban, half-something-else member sitting at the table. I recognize him as a notorious former roommate, code names: Reorge Godriguez, Whore Hay, Havana Banana. He stares threateningly and menacingly, grimacing. I leave without incident. I return to check my AIM and other peoples’ away messages, as I do at ten to the hour, every hour. There is a message waiting. It is from the same Cuban Whore. It says “Lock your door. I am coming for you. I will cut your hair when you are asleep. I will shave you.”

My sources tell me that the Cuban Whore is all talk.