There is no social stigma attached to something like: “I wish that we had had Johny Jr. when we were still in our twenties.”

No, but there is a stigma to say the opposite – “I wish that we hadn’t had Johny Jr. when we were still in our twenties, because I had so much I really wanted to do with my life that I couldn’t with a child. I squandered my youth!” Most people would never admit to such a regret, so of course people will typically say they had kids at the “right” time.

PTC: Have you seen post #17 at “Speak Up!”?)

Of course you always hope the people who have kids are truly glad they did, but do you really think that’s always the case?

I agree that few people who have kids would want to admit that they should not have had kids. But, in my experience, people are willing to discuss the timings of childbirth with a fair amount of honesty and objectivity. There is no social stigma attached to something like: “I wish that we had had Johny Jr. when we were still in our twenties.”

if we weren’t having fun, we’d be crying. and that’s not manly–so jokes instead.

David correctly identifies this set of articles as “controversial.” He points out that people might be flipping out if a dude had told women to concentrate on being “mommies” — Ronit, who’s in a snit about the Moore stuff, calls this gender-baiting. David also wonders whether Brzezinski actually believes this stuff or just thinks it’s a good way to sell books. It’s a great question — did she compose this offensive speech for college-aged women before or after she decided to write a book targeted at the mass market? I guess it depends how cynical one wants to be. Finally, David points out — rightly again — that Brzezinski’s advice is gendered, and tries to explain why she might have done that. This prompts Jeff and Rory to break out in an inexplicable bout of caveman talk. Brzezinski is the one addressing this family planning advice only to women, as if they were solely in charge of this area. Do the caveman voice to her if you want to act out.

The least offensive part of Brzezinski’s articles is the one we mostly buy: “There is no perfect time.” That’s the minimum point of agreement. Some people also buy that elite women, as a group, wait too long to have kids; David says he knows a lot of people who agree with that sentiment. Fine, whatever. I don’t think it tracks for a bunch of reasons, or that “feminists” really have anything to do with it, but hey, I could be wrong. I happen to think Brzezinski then goes into a bunch of areas where she’s completely wrong, and I’d be happy to discuss those areas with anyone. But the conversation to this point is almost entirely unfair.

I walked down to the bathrooms on the floor below after glancing at the previous two posts (#s 12 & 13).

There is a male section to the left and a female section to the right. I am constantly reminded that whatever this means, it is not exactly what it means in the US.

I looked to the right to see an older couple, in their sixties or so, in the female section. I doubt anyone else saw this as remarkable, in any way.

After doing what I gone to that section of the building to do, I exited the section with the stalls and walked into the room with the sink. I tried not to listen too hard to their conversation– and if I don’t listen hard, I don’t catch more than a few words– essentially the man had the equivalent of overalls on.

Maybe they don’t come to the theatre much. And evidently– in such a situation, one obeys the gender signs for the washing of hands.

I hesitate to try to describe gender differentiation for anything else, as I would probably get that even more wrong.

David writes:

Men, including husbands, think differently from women and, typically, emphasize a different set of roles and responsibilities.

As a generalization, this may be true. In the United States, within some mileau, this may apply in the way David seems to mean– again, within certain mileau. (Though– there are questions of empirical measurement– try a Sunday morning’s walk, in London, Brussels, Cologne, Berlin, New York, Warsaw–)

But– well– I think I would need some pictures– of the first young man who almost ran into me in London, around a corner one morning, with his daughter– of all the young men, across this continent, traveling to work with their children in a trolley behind their bicycle, or in a pouch in front of them on the train–

and actually, I just have to look up to see a few children, (though most are on their way to bed).

I can’t really speak much about Mika’s personal life, as I don’t know much about it and she hasn’t made that much of it public– and I don’t know enough.

However, I believe I can actually speak a little for the five hundred million people of the European Union, in saying that we quite the “Old World” in the sense she seems to imply, and that the values of the United States seem increasingly backwards and bizarre and simply out of tune, to us.

Men and women, black and white, people from the northern villages and people from the southern villages– of course, we will always see things a little differently. But men, who do not see childrearing, and family, as their duty and responsibility? And this so-called war of the sexes?

This seems an American problem. We do have some problems understanding your culture. Some among us– do have questions about the appropriateness of women in the kitchen– but largely that is a locality to locality issue and matter of local custom.

But a man who is not connected to raising his children? Who cannot cook a good stew for his family, as winter’s cold arrives? Who does not love and cherish and protect his partner and family, before everything else in the world? That seems very emasculated and backwards and isolated and strange to us, indeed.

I have never met an Eph woman who reports that she had kids too soon. I have met Eph women who had kids at the right time.

Imagine an Eph woman did feel that way – that she had kids too soon and really regrets it. Would she report that fact, risking the condemnation that comes with such thoughts?

Most people probably wouldn’t admit that to themselves, much less to others!

Of course you always hope the people who have kids are truly glad they did, but do you really think that’s always the case?

I mean really fellas, does that post seem all that bad after these last couple of days? We could have at least talked about France, Chad, and the Sudan… but no!

What a unique circle of friends and acquaintances you must have!

If her husband feels the same way, I can’t quibble.

Odds of that? I would guess 1 in 100. What would other readers guess? Men, including husbands, think differently from women and, typically, emphasize a different set of roles and responsibilities.

The main controversial point raised by Brzezinski’s advice is that it is gender specific. She is not giving advice to young men. She is giving advice that she feels applies to young women who want families, not to young men who want families.

Why? My guess is that Brzezinski is smart enough to know that men and women face very different realities when it comes to marriage and families, and that this is all the more true when it comes to the college-educated, Huffingtonpost-reading, upper-income readers of these two columns. (And I wonder if Andy has actually read them.) She knows that a 42 year-old successful male has a variety of options when it comes to marriage/family, very different — for reasons of biology and society — then the options faced by Brzezinski’s female peers. And that dichotomy, true as it is, creates consternation among her Huffingtonpost readership.

What is also clear is that Brzezinski’s description of her marriage — her notion of her roles and responsibilities — is quite different, I’ll bet, from what her husband would say. Does Brzezinski talk about providing for her family, for protecting them? No. But I bet that such concerns are high on the list of her husband.

Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba [Here comes a lion, Father]
Sithi uhm ingonyama [Oh yes, it's a lion]

Nants ingonyama bagithi baba
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama
Ingonyama

Siyo Nqoba [We're going to conquer]
Ingonyama
Ingonyama nengw’ enamabala [A lion and a leopard come to this open place]

[Chant repeats]

From the day we arrive on the planet
And blinking, step into the sun
There’s more to see than can ever be seen
More to do than can ever be done
There’s far too much to take in here
More to find than can ever be found
But the sun rolling high
Through the sapphire sky
Keeps great and small on the endless round

It’s the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life

It’s the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life

Exercise for our readers: Assign each character in The Lion King to an EphBlog regular.

From the day we arrive on ephblog
And blinking, step into the comments
There’s more to type than can ever be proven
More to argue than can ever be claimed
There’s far too much to anger in here
More to troll than can ever be trolled
But the posts rolling high
Through the interweb tubes
Keeps great and small on the endless refresh

It’s the Circle of Ephblog
And it annoys us all
Through gender and race
Through accusations and anonymity
Till we find our place
Far behind Swarthmore
In the Circle
The Circle of Ephblog

Nebo potrebuje Pani Brzesinki… I wonder if she saw the cover of Suddeutscher Zeitung, about Warschau, this weekend? Probably not.

We might start with the fact that “my man/woman” literally, in many languages, is used to express what “my husband” means in English.